THIS IS SO TOUGH!! 0 lbs lost 65 pounds to go. Again. Really.

So, this post is going to seem very negative, but hang in there with me because I do have something positive to say as well.

First, this is SO tough.  I've lost significant weight twice in my life---at the end of college I lost about 60ish lbs (regained through 4 pregnancies) and then I lost 60ish pounds again after I had Aubri (regained through three back surgeries and grad school).  Both of those times, while it took a lot of sweat and discipline, it didn't seem as frustrating as it does now.  I don't know if it's because I have so many physical limits compared to then because of my fusion or if it's because I'm getting "older", or what, but it's frustrating.  

After much conversation with my husband though I've come to the conclusion that I need to just keep going. As frustrating as it is, I simply can't give up.  I am going to make a few different modifications this time to see how it goes.  

Both times I've lost significant weight I've "kick started" my first 20 lbs by using Slim Fast twice a day and then phased into portion-control/calorie-control meals to lose the remaining 40.  I'm going to give that a shot again.  I'm not enthused about this idea---I love food, and lately I've enjoyed cooking---but I think if I could (hopefully) experience some success at the beginning perhaps it'll work out.  

I'm still going to "front load" my calories (breakfast as the biggest meal)----overall I really do like that, I just need to be more disciplined overall.  

I wish that I could report out some awesome success, but I can't.  It's not for a lack of trying---but perhaps it's for a lack of not trying hard enough.  I think I need to get more mentally tough about exercise.  I did do my zumba workout today and loved it.  But working out 1 time a week isn't going isn't going to get me in shape.  

So!  I do have a new challenge for myself---the # of consecutive days that I workout--either at home or at the Y.  I have an all or nothing personality which isn't going to change over night so I'm going to use it to my advantage and see what I can do.  So even if the scale doesn't change, I have another challenge I can be successful with.

Finally--the weirdest thing of all, especially since I haven't been consistent with exercise....

I've noticed some of my clothes (shirts in particular) fitting better so I couldn't understand why no change on the scale, so I measured myself and compared it to measurements I took back at the beginning of October.  I have lost 1/2 inch in my arms and a few inches in my waist--none in my hips (The proportion doesn't surprise me because my body loves to be pear shaped).  So--a word of encouragement to anybody who is working on this as well---be sure to measure yourself from time to time because I don't think the scale # always tells the most accurate story.  

I like to browse through the Pinterest boards for fitness motivation, and I ran across this image--I like it because it's what I struggle with most right now:

Image from Pinterest

I don't know how I'm doing (numerically that is).....

So, scale #2 is now broken (I'm beginning to have a complex...).  When I stand on it it won't settle on a number and goes up and down in about a 7 lb range.  Sort of like the Biggest Loser scale before the "big reveal" yet I never get the "reveal".

Normally, I would freak out.  I would probably drag the scale all around the house (is the problem that the floor is not level in that particular spot---this is an old house and I know there are parts where it feels like the floor is not all that level).  Or, I would rush out to Wal-Mart in search for a new scale.

But, I didn't.  I struggle so much with the way that # makes me feel.  I hate that it can tell me how  I should feel about myself.

So, instead of worrying about a number loss/gain/maintain to report on my weekly blog this week I decided to give a qualitative summary:

• I did a pretty good job, most days.  Not every choice was the top choice, but overall---I did fine.  In fact, if I followed myself around all week---which, I did----I would say, "Hey that girl must eat pretty healthy".  
• I ate at one of my "pitfall" places for lunch twice this week---the Loras College "Cafe".  All I can eat for $5.  I chose great options both days and didn't "go back" for anything except more Diet Dew.  
• I still haven't put exercise  into my routine.  I didn't want to go out Monday and Tuesday because of the cold and the remainder of the week I was busy dealing with an issue at work.  

Eventually, and maybe soon I need to figure out what's going on with my scale and resolve the problem.  But I might not do that for a couple of more weeks.  

Overall, I'm surprised with how tough this seems to be.  It's seems to be way harder  than the weight I dropped after I had Aubri.  Not the eating/willpower part--I'm actually do really great.  But the seeing the results part.  I don't think it's coming off as easily.   

End of Week 3---3 lbs down 62 lbs to go.....

So, this week was pretty "successful".  I lost 3 lbs --- the two lbs that I had gained over Christmas and one bonus pound.  Getting me back on on track in the losing game.  I felt encouraged by several followers last week after my "fail" week so I just want to say, thanks!!!  It's so nice to have encouraging friends.

After being upset with myself with how Christmas went I started feverishly exploring all kinds of diets.  After talking myself out of fad diets like the "Cabbage Soup" diet I found a strategy that seemed to make a little bit of sense to me.  The strategy is to basically reverse the order of your calorie intake.  The philosophy is pretty simple---if you think about the purpose of food and calories, it's to provide energy for your body to do what it needs to get done.  Most of us (at least where I'm from in the Midwest) eat the majority of the calories at dinner time--but what do we prepare to do after dinner?  Me, I prepare to watch T.V., maybe do some work on my computer, and go to bed.  I don't need a lot of calories to accomplish this.

So, this past week I experimented with flipping my calories so that my biggest meal was breakfast, a medium meal at lunch, and a small meal (approx 200-300 calories) for dinner.  Here's what I found:

• At first it was difficult for me to eat such a big breakfast because I wasn't used to it.  Prior to today I would typically eat a container of greek yogurt for breakfast every morning.  I stuck with the greek yogurt but added in other items, examples include adding chia seeds, granola, blueberries to the yogurt, eating bananas, healthy omelettes, healthy egg-white breakfast burritos, etc.  
• I've found that when I get to lunch I still felt pretty fulfilled and it's almost difficult for me to eat a "medium" caloric lunch.  
• I was not starving by the time I got to dinner.  Prior to this week I come to dinner STARVING, whether or not I'm on a "diet".  I get a blood sugar drop and a hoarding feeling around 5 p.m. where I want to eat everything in sight....and then eat dinner.  That didn't happen to me this week.  My favorite low-cal meal was a large spring mix salad with avocado, lime juice, cilantro, and 3 Tbs of salsa.  
• The downfall is not always eating what the family is eating because unfortunately we are still a family of convenience foods---a habit that I hope this process will help me change.  But, if the family eats frozen pizza for dinner then I eat a salad because the pizza isn't the nutrient dense enough (Yes--I totally see and understand the hypocrisy--if it's not nutrient dense enough for me, then how can it be nutrient dense for my kids?! I'm working on it. I can't get all of the kids to like salad so I'm experimenting with different healthy and convenient dinners---for example, they love spaghetti squash and it would be pretty easy to roast some on a Saturday and put dinner-size portions in the freezer.  The kids also love baked chicken---another easy "make ahead" or even crockpot food.  I've been searching through Pinterest for ideas.  Please!  Message me or post for me any of your favorite healthy meals that your whole family loves!

I also worked out twice this week.  Which isn't a lot.  But when you go from 0 to 2 that's a pretty good jump in progress, I'd say ;-)  I have plans to increase that # (Taking the kids to swim at the Y today!) and I also ordered Zumba Gold that came in the mail this week.  That's right, don't re-read that.  Zumba Gold--which is Zumba for the 55+ crowd.  BUT, if you have a spine that is probably around the age 70, it works :-)  I'm looking forward to trying it out.  Hopefully when I am about a year post-fusion I can do the regular zumba with no problems.  Until then, I'm cool with Zumba Gold, Sweatin' to the Oldies, and of course doing what I can at our Y's gym and pool.  

Hoping for another loss next week and not a gain.  Otherwise I'm renaming my blog to "My wonderful Yo-Yo diet".  Well, don't hold me to that.  

No picture this week.  I don't feel like combing my hair yet.  :-)